The self-love revolution

The Self-Love Revolution. For many of us, self-hate is the default. Self-criticism. Self-judgement, self-censorship. For years, I struggled with this myself. My mind was so full to the brim with the worry, fear and frustration I was allowing in, and there was simply no way I could fit in the self-love conversation. What if you practiced self-love instead of self-hate?

"For many years, I wandered through the desert in search of a narrative that was not mine. I did not feel I belonged here. I was borrowing a landscape until I found my own. But when I stopped searching and settled into the erosional peace of the redrock desert, I found myself quietly healed by an immensity I could not name. I took off my clothes and lay on my back in a dry arryo and allowed the heat absorbed into the pink sand to enter every cell in my body. I closed my eyes and became simple another breathing presence on the planet. "

Terry Tempest Williams, When Women Were Birds

Do you love yourself? Not just tolerate yourself, co-exist with yourself, or even just have a heightened consciousness of who you are and how you operate in the world? Do you adore the way you act, the being that you are? Do you delight in the ways you show up in the world and the words that spill out of your mouth and the beautiful, detailed thoughts that your brain constructs?

For many of us, self-hate is the default. Self-criticism. Self-judgement, self-censorship. For years, I struggled with this myself. My internal dialogue was a raging battle, a constant back and forth between the crushing weight of the things I thought I should be doing and the unbridled anger at myself for the things I'd felt I'd done incorrectly, or not well enough. There was no peaceful middle ground there; my mind had no space for self-love, for appreciation and gratitude for the millions of things I was doing right, no place for compassion or appreciation for the tiny miracles of the everyday. It was full to the brim with the worry, fear and frustration I was allowing in, and there was simply no way I could fit in the self-love conversation. 

That's why I believe that the first step in practicing self-love is an emptying of the mind. There's no way to add to an overflowing cup without spilling - you have to first allow some of the noise to drain out of your processing mind before you have any flexibility to start more powerful mindset practices. For me, meditation has been the tool to my self-love success. Meditation allows me to empty my mind momentarily, and practice intentional reflection. Only when the negative self-talk is silenced can I focus on the positive: using that quiet time in the morning to honor myself and my accomplishments, to feel immense pride in who I am and to look lovingly at my self, like I would a dear friend. 

It's Valentine's Day tomorrow. What if instead of focusing on your external commitments, celebrations or the champagne and strawberries, you spent some time with yourself? Quiet the mind and create the mental and energetic space for a conversation with yourself about the miracle that you are. Acknowledge your innate gifts, the qualities that you love about yourself, the accomplishments you're most proud of. Keep the meditation (or journalling, or vision boarding) in the positive, no self-hate allowed. Give yourself the gift of love, rather than focusing only on sharing love with a significant other. You deserve it. 




The power of routine

This post details the power of routine in building a life that you love. The post also contains a link to download "Reclaim your AM," a planning guide to creating a morning routine that benefits you.

Establishing a routine and following it isn't easy: but it WILL reap major results.

I'm 28 and just starting to embrace routine. I've been rebellious and reallllly stubborn most of my life, and resisted calendars and schedules because I felt suffocated. I recently decided that whatever I was doing wasn't working-I had no time for myself, and always felt exhausted and pulled in a million directions. I figured I had nothing to lose by trying a scheduled routine. 


I was as shocked as you are at the immense relief I felt and the way it changed my life. 

Now, I rise at 7 am for some yoga, coffee, reading and mindset work. I get to breathe in the first morning light right alongside my pup, and we get lots of bonding and cuddle time. I also have enough time to get ready for the day, which is critical to my sanity since I work from home. By beginning my morning in this way, rather than snoozing until my first meeting, I'm able to settle into my work calmly and energized when 9 am rolls around. Side note: No, I'm not perfect. Every day doesn't start this way - but the ones that do feel that much more magical.

Evenings have their vibes, which for me is much more flexible. I do try to end and begin the day with a book, rather than my phone, and I take a few moments to use my favorite face oil and slip into my most comfortable pajamas. 

What have I learned? If you are able to organize your day around your routine, you'll be better prepped for anything the Universe sends your way. Whether your routine is simple or complex, let yourself dive into the ritual. The act of doing can be peaceful in itself, and a source of calm continuity when life can so often feel volatile.

Going into your morning or evening routine with the right attitude is everything. Don't see this as another to-do on your never-ending list. Instead, learn to value this time as unapologetically yours, and relish every moment. It certainly makes getting up a few minutes earlier much easier to bear! On that note, if you're not into it, don't try to force it in your routine. Going to the gym has never worked at getting me out of bed in the morning. Books? Absolutely. 


Tell me in the comments: what does your routine look like?