How the hell do I find clarity?
One of the top requests I hear from women I work with is a desire for clarity. They are confused, bored, and don't believe that following their own path is possible. Above all else, they’re discouraged because they don’t even know what that path would look like. They want to know what’s "wrong" with them that they don’t know what their dream is. Why don’t they have a vision, when it seems like everyone around them does?
It's not your fault. We aren't conditioned to dream big. Trust me, I’ve been there. It’s what got me interested in coaching in the first place! I was working jobs I thought I should be proud of, but I felt like such a failure. Every time I tried to read a self help book, it began with an assumption that I had my big dream or goals already mapped out in my mind. I would totally shut down, throw the book across the room, and head back to my Netflix binge. Super productive.
People often ask me how I found clarity and the career of my dreams. I want to laugh and cry, thinking about how roundabout my own path has been, and how incapable of answering this question I feel. Clarity for me won't look like clarity for you. Pursue it anyway. Demand it anyway.
While it's not your fault if you lack clarity, it is your fault if you stay there. You're a boss. Bosses pull it together, and move forward, even if they're stepping into a foggy future. The intention and the steps are what bring the clarity.
What I understand now is that clarity is a moment, not a state of being. If you’re looking to be in a constant state of clarity, you can’t help but get frustrated and disappointed, because it’s so unrealistic! What you’re looking for are those intuitive strokes of genius, the ideas that you get excited about, the obvious choice when you reach the fork in the road.
I’ve worn glasses since the first grade (honestly, it was adorable), so the easiest analogy for me to understand is that achieving clarity is like cleaning your lenses. If you’re looking at the world through a confused fog with smudged and dirty lenses, it’s difficult to see where you’re headed. You’re probably frustrated and suffering from a headache. When you’re able to clean your lenses, suddenly the world seems bright. Everything comes into focus, and you feel a sense of relief and joy.
Of course, they always smudge again (for me, within minutes). That’s ok! You still had your moment of clarity, and it will come around again. If you have to bumble around a bit between cleanings, it doesn’t mean you’re a failure-it’s just life.